Adelaide decided to have snack time with Lillian the other day after nap. It was sweet. It makes me smile to see Adelaide interact with her sister and see the little differences in her. For example, Adelaide recognizes that Lillian will stare at her, grab her hand, and smile at me when I talk high pitched so now she tries that too. =) Moments like this, I love.
Moments like this melt a momma's heart... when she wants to sit as close as she possibly can to her and I have to intervene ever so gently so that there is no crushing of a little one. And it's because she wants to be close to her.
I love that she already has no memory of a life before Lillian, no memory of life without her sister. And those eyes staring at me? Moments like this, I love.
And this one?
She doesn't know life without a toddler in her face squealing, "HI!" She doesn't know that the playmat isn't always suppose to be shaking. She knows how to nap with someone poking her. She probably thinks her sister is ridiculous for trying to stick the wrong end of the pacifier in her mouth. Sometimes I call her "drama mama" for crying the way she does when she's hungry, but overall, I'd say she's so far a go-with-the-flow, easy-going, let a big white dog and a toddler rub all over you kind of girl. Moments like this, I love.
That face? She just heard a fire truck go by. =) Moments like this, I love.
And this face below? She's real. Everytime, I mean every. time. I go out in public I get stopped atleast once with people thinking I'm carrying a baby doll, that I'm carrying my toddler's baby doll around. Personally, I think she's way cuter than any baby doll I've ever seen! =) But I know what they mean... she's just precious and well, pretty darn perfect looking if you ask me. (But I'm her momma and I know momma's tend to be just a tad bit biased.) ;)
No, no... life with two (or 1,3,4,7) isn't always all roses and sunshine. Well, let's be honest, sometimes it's all poopy bottoms, and soggy eyes. But people are right, "it's worth it." Parenthood is hard. But the general consensus is right, "it's worth it." I've been asked alot how the transition to two has gone for us, and Serge and I both always reply that it was easier than going to one. People are shocked. So I've been reflecting on why that is and this is what I've come up with...
It's not because our kids are so well behaved. It's not because Adelaide is super obedient (in my dreams). It's not because we waited til our kid was just the "right age" to add another one (please, they're 19 months apart). It's not because we're just such darn good parents. And it's not because Lillian is an "easier" baby. And although the first few days it was easier because my body didn't ache from head to toe, that's not overall what's caused our response. =)
Sure, there are times where they are screaming at the same time and I just have to commit to meeting one need while the other one still screams, and then, when one is met, go on to the next one (and those with 4,5, and 6 are saying, "you think that's hard?")... and it's exhausting. And there have been times where I've just cried right along with them because it is hard. And sometimes I want to fall over. And sometimes I want to run away to Starbuck's or Barnes & Noble or a beach. Or sometimes I do runaway to an ice cream shop. ;) But do you know what those things all are? Just selfish wants, selfish desires, things that I think would satisfy but never ever will. Don't get me wrong, those things are nice and can breathe a breath of fresh air into a tired momma's lungs... but they don't satisfy. They don't make parenting easier or better.
Do you know what's really satisfying? Being made more like Christ. Being shaped into more of the person God wants you to be. For me, parenting has revealed more sin in my life than I've ever wanted to see. (well, first marriage did that, now, add in parenting) =) It's revealed my selfishness. It's revealed how much I want to wake up in the morning and do exactly what I want to do, and when that's interrupted, the anger that's there? Oh, "hi sin." It's revealed that I desire sleep over serving. That I desire my needs and wants being met over my husband's being met. That I don't desire to die to self. And when that sin has been revealed in my heart over the years, I've confessed. I've confessed much. Much. I've cried out to God about how much I need Him, His grace, forgiveness, strength, a heart that looks more like His and a whole lot less like mine. I constantly do this, because I. Have. To. And to confess to Serge how much grace I need from him too, because every day I fight the struggle between selfish living and selfless giving. And to confess these struggles to friends and family and let them know that I need prayer. Through my journey over the last couple of years as I've (we've) done this what I've seen is this: two selfish Christ followers (that should be an oxymoron) become a little less selfish, become a little bit more like Christ in serving one another, in serving the "least of these," being sanctified. I've seen change. I've seen growth. Growth in love, in serving, in humility. And that is why it's been an "easier" transition than it was almost two years ago. Because we are growing by grace, changing to be made more like Him. Because we stand with those sanctified because of the death and the resurrection. Because of His unending grace, there has been growth, however small it may be, it's there. Because of the resurrection and life given through the Spirit we can change, look different and love different. And that does take place over time. I can look back and see change, can see that we're becoming more like Him and less like us and that's why our response to the transition question flows the way it does... because over time, because of Him, because of what change the Holy Spirit has brought around in our lives by His goodness, Because He's ever faithful, He's still working, ever working, and will continue to work we can say "easier than it was with one". Because by His grace, we're different than we were then. And I'm grateful for that. I'm humbled by that. And that's what everyone means when they say, "it's worth it." It's hard, so hard, but let it change you. "It's worth it."
And I've thought to myself, maybe said aloud to Serge... if parenting and children is what is drawing us near and making me more like Christ (than anything else has so far, not to say that there isn't something down the road to do more so), how many more will He allow us to have!?!?!?!? Oh, dear. =)
Moments like this, I love.
Following Christ... "It's so worth it."
*** A little post script addition: I'm not demeaning those who will say having more has been much harder. I recognize that can be the answer for many, and for many good reasons. I'm just answering that transition question from Serge and I's perspective and why that's our answer. =)
*** A little post script addition: I'm not demeaning those who will say having more has been much harder. I recognize that can be the answer for many, and for many good reasons. I'm just answering that transition question from Serge and I's perspective and why that's our answer. =)
